Wow owowowow. Happy New Year!!

This is a funny old game.

When I think I have done really well I only squeeze off one pound. When I spend two days gorging on Christmas fayre and the rest of the week pining for it I manage to slip off 3lb. Go figure huh.

I am currently just HALF A POUND away from losing 4 STONES!!!. I didn't think of a 4st treat (I don't think I thought I would get this far!!) but seeing as I have a completely new wardrobe courtesy of some great Christmas presents and the January Sales I think I am doing OK!

Tonight we are having a feast of falafels, squid and prawns to welcome the New Year. Low fat all the way (think we might squeeze a bottle of fizz in as well). Hope you all have a lovely evening and cheers to 2008 being a happier year than 2007.

Uncharted territory

Christmas was fantastic. I decided to relax and just eat what I fancied. I had blue cheese, smoked salmon, pate, mince pies and plenty of port. Just for 2 days. It was brilliant. Now I am back on scraps - I don't have a wonderful feeling about Monday's weigh in!!

No matter how bad for me Christmas might have been I have had the most wonderful, motivating day ever.

Decided to hit the sales full on so I was off before 7 this morning. The whole of Crawley shopped and back home for 10. So why was it so amazing? Well I decided to stock up on clothes in smaller sizes so that I would have things to shrink into. I bought a mix of size 14 and 16 as well as a selection of lingerie. Got home and tried some of the larger bits on to give me an idea of how much further I had to go before I could wear them....

M&S jeans size16... FITTED!!! Next cargo trousers (no stretch) size 16... FITTED!!! Next jeans size 16... FITTED (but I don't like the style so will return them... hehehe - to have the choice!!). M&S T-shirts sz 16 FITTED FITTED FITTED.

I am still grinning insanely every time I walk past the mirror. I have never knowingly been a size 16 before.

Merry Christmas

Somehow (and I really don't know how) I managed to lose a pound last week. I am now having two days off from dieting and while I am not planning to go mad and eat everything I can see I am also going to have an enjoyable couple of days. Next week's weigh in could well be a gain...

C is still really quite poorly , it's been 11 days now so we are both just trying to get her better for Santa.

I hope everyone has a really brilliant Christmas, we're having a quiet time this year with my dad joining us tomorrow.

Not so fat or indeed a banker

to quote my friend Eileen who put me onto the story "seems you have started a trend"

Meet Our Fat Bankers (All Slimming For Charity)

For those of you who don't know, I was a city banker for 12 years before having C so this is especially relevant.

Am feeling very competitive now (me? competitive??)!!

House of lurgy continues

Well I needn't have worried about having two Xmas meals on the same day. Right now I should be ensconced in a pub in Newdigate enjoying pigeon breast, seat trout and creme caramel (they were my choices) but C is still quite ill so I am at home with her again and have had a tuna sandwich and a yogurt. Whup-di-du.

What a weekend

This weekend we have been the house of blah. Poor wee C has been fever ridden since Friday night, G has sprained his ankle and can barley move and I have been playing nurse. On the plus side yesterday I actually found it hard to find time to eat with all the running up and down stairs between C and G.

Fortunately C is perking up. She has eaten and is trying to talk with what is left of her voice.

Wonder when I'll get struck down... my money is on 22nd (when we are hoping to see CBeebies on stage) or 25th... hu hum.

another month - over halfway now

I AM COLD. That's been the theme this month.

I know that the weather is particularly cold (-5 here the last two nights) but I have been cold for weeks now. I've been digging out my (now far too big) jumpers from the back of the wardrobe and wearing them two at a time. I don't remember ever even wearing one last winter - now I am surgically attached to them. Fewer calories to keep me warm I understand.

As predicted, this month has been much slower than the last three (phew I can hear your cheque-books saying). Apart from a number of parties which have slowed things down a bit it's also getting a lot more difficult - as my weight goes down so does my daily calorie allowance and my metabolism.

At the moment I have shifted 47lb - (3st 5lb) and am worth £25.52 per lb.

Next week I have my works Xmas lunch and Graham's Xmas dinner on the same day so I'm not going to get too excited about weigh in (!!). The following week is Christmas week and although I plan to keep on the diet I also plan to have a proper Xmas dinner. Fortunately G has the week off so I should be able to get a few swims in to help counter the worst of it.

I had to make some mince pies for Caity to take to pre-school last week and found myself unexpectedly thinking about Jes again - remembering him on Christmas Eve trying (very carefully) to make mince pies in my kitchen not long after he mashed his hands in a bike accident - he was helping out as I had gone down with Glandular Fever. Grand memories.

So that's me until January - don't forget you can follow my weekly (Monday morning) weigh-ins on the blog.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone. xxx

Inspiration Boots

I didn't get myself a 3rd stone treat I now realise. Then I saw these lovely knee length leather boots... and they were half price...

and now they are mine...!

Unfortunately the reason I don't already own any knee length leather boots is that I can never get them done up over my great bulging calves. Still can't in fact... but it's close.

So I have christened them my 'Inspiration Boots' and hung them on the kitchen door - so every time I enter the 'room of food' I get a little encouragement.

Christmas catches up

Finally Christmas is making itself known on weigh-in day. No loss this week but considering the last three weeks it's well overdue. We have no functions this week so I'm sure next week will see a more positive weigh in.

Sadly pre-school has now broken up so no more time for swimming until the second week of January - I am going to have to be extra good.

Feeling very Christmasey now as we put our tree and lights up last night and it's like Santas grotto in our lounge.

Portland lovelies

This weekend we are in Portland visiting C's 'Guide Parents' who were also friends of Jes's. They have been absolutely brilliantly supportive of my shrinking making the food low fat and low calorie.

I'm keeping off the wine which is just as well as C has been laid out with a gastric upset which has me up with her most of the night. Fortunately she is a lot perkier this afternoon and starting enquire about food (only the chocolate in her advent calendar so far though!)

I swam

Decided to see how bad the bruising really is and swim. Discovered that my arm is more bruised than I thought however I still managed a decent splash about.

Bottomed out

Another good weigh in - 2lb. I'll be pleased if I can keep that up over the Xmas period.

Am very undecided about swimming this morning. I slipped on the stairs yesterday carrying the laundry and landed on my derriere - bump bump bump all the way to the bottom and it REALLY hurts. I was hoping for a big purple bruise to validate the pain but as yet I am unmarked :-(

Partied out

Last night was BRILLIANT. We went to the Addington Palace which is a lovely building. We were in the marquee which was beautiful (although we managed to unwittingly find a grotty bit for the pic!!)

There was a 4 course dinner followed by the band Reservoir Frogs (who were mediocre) and a DJ (excellent). I elected to drive and so avoided all the calories of wine and the lack of self-control that always follows! G is still in bed. He did not avoid the wine...

The food was every dieters worst nightmare:

• Duck and Orange paté (I left the toast but couldn't resist the pate & salad)
• Roast Beef and all the trimmings (the trimmings being those that you would have with turkey - bacon wrapped sausages & stuffing - very unusual). I didn't have stuffing, only had 2 roasties, a small bite of sausage and gave G one of my slices of beef. So not as bad as it could have been.
• Chocolate Mousse with gloop. I had 2 bites and decided that it really wasn't very nice and wasn't worth the clearly indecent calorie and fat content. So I left it.
  
• Cheese and biscuits. I completely abstained (!!!).
  
• Coffee and mints - I had just one mint and brought all the leftovers home for C.

Totalling everything up this morning I am still within my weekly points allowance - just. So I am mightily pleased. I also danced quite a bit so might have burned off that after dinner mint...

Party dress

I am so excited. Tomorrow is G's work's black tie do and I've got a new dress!! The one I was planning to wear is just too big now so I have hired the most lovely burnt copper crinkly affair. With the aid of some Gok style undies it looks fantastic. Really good. The best bit is that I am now a size that can go to a hire shop.

Last night we went to see Bill Bailey at Wembley which was hilarious. We had tea at McD's as we needed to grab something quickly and it was really yukky. It's been over three months since I ate anything from that place and I just found it greasy and tasteless. I have turned into one of those people - people who don't like McD's - I always thought only weird people didn't like it. Maybe I am now a weird person. Or maybe I WAS a weird person and am now not. Oh dear. Too confusing. Time for a beer.

more amazement

I really was surprised this morning when I got on the scales . I really cannot quite believe that I lost 3lb last week. As well as eating all my usual we went out on Thursday night where I had yummy non diet food and we spent the weekend in Doncaster being fed cakes! I must have quite a fast metabolism.

Managed to get to the pool just once last week but am planning twice this week. Rollerblading has been on hold as the wet leafy pavements are just too dangerous. Probably just as well as I will need a new set of wheels soon having almost worn out my original ones!

With two more weeks until G's 'Snow Ball' (works annual black tie bash) I may have to start looking for a new evening dress as the one I have (that has always been too small) is starting to look a bit too big! Time to plunder the charity shops.

Sunday night nibbles

Well I don't think I was too bad this weekend but tomorrow's weigh-in will tell me the reality... Am trying to be extra good today but have got the munchies something terrible this evening and I'm clean out of carrots. Oh no! Time for another low cal hot chocolate. Oh whoop-di-du.

Bracing for the weekend

Thursday night I accompanied G to a works do where I found myself turning into one of those people. By that I mean the sort of person who doesn't clear their plate. Something that I was never ever guilty of in the past. I got halfway through my dessert and thought to myself "why am I eating this? It's old and soggy and pretty tasteless and I'm not actually hungry". So I left it.

It's a whole new world out there!

Tomorrow we are off to the in-ies for the weekend and they always look after us with cakes and nuts and things so I shall have to be extra careful but hopefully am practiced enough now to manage.

Another milestone and a bit of a shock

What an amazing Monday morning I'm having. Last week I didn't manage to get to the pool at all owing to illness and prior engagements and I managed to eat pretty heartily over the weekend (especially the cocktail sausages baked in mango chutney at a birthday party - surprisingly delicious) so I was not really holding out much hope for this mornings weigh-in...

Imagine my amazement at knocking off 3lb!! Even better, that takes me to a total weight loss of exactly 3 stones. I'm finding it hard to believe. I am also totally delighted.

No swimming today as I have a rotten cold and fear I shall drown if I try (my nose is completely blocked) but hopefully I'll be a bit better by Wednesday.

Time for another monthly update.

Third month and almost a third stone ; 39lb in total (that's 2 stones 11lb).

This month has been a really tough one. Before the clocks changed we helped clear Jes's boat which was one of the saddest things I have ever done. I found it very hard not to seek solace in food.

Then we had Halloween and sweets all over the house which was surprisingly tempting. Now the clocks have changed and there's something about the shorter (and colder) days which has given me 'picky fingers'. Added to all that C has been unwell and the disturbed nights have left me exhausted and wanting "quick fix food" rather than "lovingly prepared nutritionally balanced" meals.

Whilst I have had a tough month with food fundraising has been fantastic. Due to several generous donations and a few more sponsors trickling through I am set to raise in excess of the original target of £1000. So naturally I have upped the ante to 1.5k and we'll see how we get on. I have also taken my own steps towards self publicising with a rather fetching "Shrinking4jes" T-Shirt* (pictured) and matching 'business' cards - so when people ask what it's all about I can give them a card.

I am however expecting the shrinking to slow down through November and December. I am lucky enough to have been invited to four Christmas parties as well as several weekends away which will all make shrinking a bit tougher.

*if anyone wants a T-Shirt let me know and if enough people are interested I'll get some. They'll be somewhere around £8 each (all profits to go to the fund) sizes Sml to XL

What a suprise

Despite yesterdays fears I managed to knock off 2lb last week - a total shock. Perhaps 2 laps of Hyde Park (rollerblading) on Saturday made the difference - it was certainly hard work. I am really pleased and feel all motivated again to push hard this week.

A tough week

Not really looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in as it's been a terrible week. Caity has been ill all week so I have only managed to get one swim in. I've been up with her most nights so am really tired too. This week I have learned that dieting when you are exhausted is the hardest part of dieting. I have no motivation to cook and the need for easy, comforting foods coupled with it being darker earlier has led to a really tough week. I don't think I have gained weight but I'll be surprised if I have lost any.

Not really looking forward to the next month food wise either as I have 3 Xmas meals to go to with G as well as my own works Xmas do. One is a buffet which should be OK as I can choose carefully and not take much but the other three are all 3 course sit down affairs.

The bonus is that for the first time EVER I feel comfortable wearing an evening dress (one bash is black tie) and look nice too! Just have to get the shoes sorted... proving to be harder than I though as they have to be comfortable for standing all night as well as looking amazing.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow....

Time to move the goalposts

This week I lost 4lb. I have noticed over the last few weeks there seems to be a pattern. I have a week of little or no weight loss then the following week I go for broke. Funny how it works out.

So this week's brilliant loss means that I have cracked my £1000 target. What can a girl do? Well the obvious thing is to move the goalposts which is exactly what I have done. I am now aiming for £1500 :-)

I can see things slowing down as we head for Christmas as I have a number of parties and meals to attend and even with the best motivation it's going to be a struggle.

Another one pound week

Another slow week this week. Not down to me seeking solace in sweets though I am pleased to say. More likely down to having not been able to swim because it's half term and having Halloween parties on both Saturday and Sunday where despite being good I wasn't saintly :-0

Back in the pool this week, off for a swim shortly.

Still got a boot full of Jes's things as we still can't face unloading it. There is something comforting about driving around with his stuff, makes him feel closer.

Saddest yet

I spent Sunday and Monday helping Jes's sister clear his boat ready to sell it. If you have ever had to do this then you will know how gut wrenchingly sad it is, and if you haven't then I hope you won't ever have to.

This is really saying goodbye and it is just awful.

Emotionally I am at my lowest since I started shrinking and the urge to seek comfort in sweet sugary food is intense. I am aware that chocolate will not really help me in any way but it is still hard to say no. Next week's weigh in will tell us if I have managed to keep refusing.

End of month 2

I can hardly believe that I have been doing this for two months already. Two months and two stones (well, two stones 1.5lb to be precise).

I have an amazing 43 sponsors, two of which are a direct result of the article in the newspaper (so it was worth it) and several who are friends of my dear father who have no doubt been pestered into sponsoring me - an extra thank you to them. Current total stands at just over £730.

This month has been much calmer than last. For a start we have had fewer social events which has helped but I am also more used to saying no!!

I am starting to really notice a difference. I have dropped almost two dress sizes now and have been clearing out clothes like mad. Fortunately a good friend is also dieting and is several sizes ahead of me and has loaned me some trousers - it seems such a waste to buy clothes when you are going to spend such a short amount of time in them. Graham has also managed to drop a size which is just as well as I am now wearing his jeans!!

Starting to think about Christmas now - if you are stuck for cards Cancer Research has a fantastic selection available in their shops from £2.99 per pack (think they are packs of 12).

Thanks again to you all for your support

Ellen

Slower week

Only 1lb this week but considering we ate out twice on Saturday I'm really not upset - quite relieved really!!

Last night we went to see Kate Rusby at the Hawth - Graham is a big fan and suggested going. She's not really my cup of tea but it was an evening out. How surprised I am. She was mind blowing. If you haven't listened to her I urge you to do so. She has a beautiful, haunting voice and I found myself crying on several occasions. During her finale 'Blooming Heather' (a rework of the classic Wild Mountain Thyme) I was in floods. Couldn't get Jes out of my mind.

So I'm feeling a bit emotional today - crying again just writing about it.

Pavement hell

As I couldn't swim on Weds (school tour) and Friday are hell as all the schools are in the main pool I decided to try rollerblading home from pre-school. What a 'mare. I know the roads in the borough are atrocious but I had never paid much attention to the pavements before... I am grateful I don't have to try and drive on them! They are AWFUL. Not to mention the piles of leaves adding to the treacherous journey. Still - I worked up a sweat so not all was lost!

a better week & 10%!!

Looks like some of last weeks weight caught up and came off this week - phew!! Had another exercise rich week and food was again kept under the max allowed.

Even better - I have now lost 10% of my starting weight!! I have also dropped a dress size. Cool.

Rollerblading yesterday was BRILLIANT. I can go really REALLY fast now - AND I can stop - all together a result!!

(not starving)

Thank you to everyone who has sent messages of support - it really is appreciated and DOES make a difference and don't worry, I am not actually starving myself - I am far too greedy for that.

Off to tuck into a plate of S&S prawns now :-)

Totally gutted and not understanding

Last week I swam twice - 40+ lengths both times. I walked MILES - seriously - I walked C to pre-school twice, then home then back then home again. I went rollerblading. I ate less than my daily allowance EVERY DAY - I can have up to 25 points a day - I averaged 20, I didn't eat any of my 'saved' points and didn't eat any points that I earned through exercise.

I lost no weight at all. Not an ounce.

Feel really despondent now. Am wondering if the only way I will lose weight is to stop eating completely. I could understand it if I had eaten my max allowed and not exercised but this seems crazy. So I am off to starve myself completely now ;-(

I’ve been shrinking for a whole month!

I’m missing pizza, curry, beer and 15 pounds!!!! Brilliant heh. Sadly I can’t say that I have noticed much of a physical difference yet. I find this strange because the last time I lost a lost that much weight I dropped 3 dress sizes in minutes (I did gain a daughter though…). I have also been missing Jes a lot which despite being very sad has been good motivation.

I’ve been trying to increase my activity levels so have been swimming – I am aiming for 3 times a week. I have also started rollerblading which is terrific fun. Haven’t really got the hang of stopping yet but I can’t half go!! I am having lessons on Sundays at Hyde Park so am sure stopping is just a lesson away…

Current sponsorship sees me worth an amazing £19 a lb which I think makes me about as valuable as dressed lobster (I just have to make sure I don’t take up the look!!). This means my total for Cancer Research is £354 (this includes single donations too) at the moment. Thank you to everyone who is sponsoring me and making this possible.

Cracked a stone (not a nail)

Woo hoo!! I have now lost 15lb!! That's over a stone. Fab huh.

And my rollerblading lesson was just amazing. Really hard work but what fun. Have been out practicing every day since but my calf muscles are agony and I think they need a rest as the pain is stopping me doing much.

One day I want to be able to skate like this: which I can see is going to take an incredible amount of practice - but aim high heh!!

Chugging along

I managed to be reasonably good last weekend thank goodness - squid, salmon and fruit salad in the restaurant. I haven't been especially hungry this week so I have either become more used to eating less or not been as good as I should have been... I really don't know which but weigh-in on Monday will no doubt tell me!!

Tomorrow is my first rollerblading lesson which I am really looking forward to - I have had a couple of practices with my new boots and utterly love them although I am very wobbly at the moment.

Another challenge

We're off to a B&B tonight... first time away since C was born (she is off to Granny's - hoooge thanks to Granny) which I am REALLY looking forward to... but... I booked it before Jes was even ill so shrinking wasn't really on my mind... so this place has an amazing restaurant (which we are booked into) and of course it is full English for brekkie... so I am going to have to exercise some serious self control... :-( Am really looking forward to it though :-)

I survived!

We had a lovely weekend away and although I did have to say 'no' to quite a lot of things (ice creams on the seafront :-( ) it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and totalling up what I ate now we are home I did actually manage to stay within my daily allowances so I am really pleased.

Weigh in this morning was a bit hit and miss as it was on my sister-in-law's scales (I forgot to pack ours) and she mentioned that they are "not very exact"... according to her scales I am 2lb down which doesn't sound bad so I am going to stick with that - next week on my own scales will tell me where I am exactly!

Jes's mum and dad were well and we had a really nice visit with them. Was good to say hi.

Chocolate... Food.... ANYTHING!!

I am so hungry. SO hungry. Spent the afternoon making chocolate dipped peppermint creams with C which was, on reflection, not the wisest of moves. We are going to stay with her Aunt & Uncle over the weekend and made them as a gift to take with us.

Have spent the last 10 minutes playing a game with her where I pretend to eat her - I really am that hungy :-( I know I have to be good today as three days staying away means three days with little control over what's on offer to eat.

We are going to visit Jes's mum and dad on Monday - it will be the first time we have seen them since the funeral - I am taking a copy of The Life for them to see what I am up to.

In the local rag!

Well there's no backing out now as I have made it into local newspaper The Life - hopefully it will generate some more interest and I'll get a few more sponsors - surely having my weight published is worth a few quid!!

Some success

Am absolutely delighted as have managed to lose a whopping 7lb this week!! Am so relieved that all the denial was worth it - Sundays parties were especially hard - the deserts at the 3rd do were slobberingly amazing looking but I managed with a small bowl of trifle and a chicken sarnie.

Today I borrowed a pair of rollerblades (!!) from a friend and have been and bought all the necessary padding and a helmet to hopefully prevent too much damage when I fall over!! Just have to find somewhere flat to give it a try...

The Weekend....

After a fantastic week the weekend has been harder. Friday night all I wanted was a bottle of wine and a takeaway but I managed on 2 bottles of beer and a chicken pasta affair. Was hard though.

Today I went to a BBQ where, other than the lettuce, everything was reasonably bad but I think I managed well on 1 sausage, 1 drumsick - no bread - and a pile of green stuff with 4 strawberries for afters.

Tomorrow we have two more parties so it's going to be another hard day - oh joy.

Day 2

Well other than the constant gnawing hunger things are going great. I'm managing avoid temptation by keeping busy - which means that things are getting done around the house! Still feeling very positive although fed up with the hunger!!

Final hours...

Just about to go to bed... tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life... Excited, scared, nervous...

36 hours to go

Tonight I am having a Chinese Takeaway... a final farewell to all things greasy and fattening. I've spent the last week using up the last of the 'bad' foods in the house so as to remove temptation next week.

I've also been spending some time on the Weight Watchers website familiarising myself with how it works and trying to plan my meals for next week so I don't have to think too hard about what to eat.